The Girl In There
by Kitty Burglar
Summary: Harry goes into the Chamber, rescues Ginny, kills the basilisk, kills Voldemort,...and discovers their daughter. Oops! What now? R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Well, this is odd

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, he would be way more butt-kicking.

Harry stabbed Gryffindors' sword into the roof of the basilisks' mouth. While it flailed around, dying, the spirit of Tom Marvolo Riddle watched with a look of disappointment on his face. When it had died, Harry realized that it had bit him in his upper right arm. He staggered over to Ginny, falling down beside her. "Sorry Gin, it doesn't look like I'll be able to save you." Harry looked up as Fawkes reappeared. Laying his head over the bite mark, he cried the pearly white teardrops that would heal him. Harry lay there, waiting to die, to feel the icy heat of the venom coursing through his veins.

Instead, he began to feel amazingly well. Harry sat up. Fawkes dropped the diary into his lap, and, with a flash of inspiration, Harry stabbed it. Riddle screamed. Seeing his reaction, Harry stabbed it again, this time in the leather cover. Riddle screamed in pain, and burst into shimmery golden dust motes. "Ooooo!" Harry said in appreciation.

Ginny woke up. "Oh, Harry, look at all the pretty golden dust motes! What happened?" she said cheerfully. Harry stared at her. 'Well, it seems that she has the ability to bounce back from trauma.' He thought. "That was Tom Marvolo Riddle. You know, Lord Voldemort? The crazy, insane, megalomaniac who lived in a diary and possessed you?"

Ginny's blinding smile waned slightly. "Oh, that guy. Who cares about him? He's deader than a doornail! Come on, help me collect his dust. Maybe we can hock it!" At this, her grin came back in full force.

As they gathered up the Lord Voldemort dust ("Maybe we can say it's super valuable!") Harry heard a choking gasp. He and Ginny looked up. Staring at them in horror was a girl with pretty rose coloured scales and blue-black, feathery hair. You killed my parents! She screamed in parseltongue. I'm going to kill you! As the girl advanced towards them, Harry saw that she had one yellow eye and one crimson eye, both with slit pupils, and long, lethal looking fangs. Harry said in parseltongue, Wait! Please don't kill us! The girl stopped. I…what? How can you speak?

Listen, I know this sounds crazy, but your mum and dad were actually trying to kill us and take over the world! He said desperately. So, what's your name?

"Ahrirang Riddle." She said in English with a distinct parseltongue accent.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, he would be way more butt-kicking.

Ahrirang stared at him. "You…you mean that they were…_evil?_ But Daddy wasss sssso niccce! He taught me English! He even brought me booksss to read!"

Ginny got up from the floor. "Wooow. You-Know-Who was your _dad?_ Gross!" Ahrirang stared. "No, I don't know who." She said. "TELL ME WHO OR I WILL BITE YOU!" **(Yay! It rhymes!) **And thus there was a chaotic chase that consisted of Ginny screaming and being chased by Ahrirang, who was trying to bite Ginny, and Harry, who was chasing both of them and making nonsensical shouting noises.

Suddenly, Ron blasted through the wall! "Ah-HA! I am here to save you all!" He bellowed. "Oh Merlin! What are you two DOING! Do not worry, beautiful scaly girl who I do not know! I will save you from those rampaging hippogriffs!" He spit on his hand and slicked his hair back, making himself look even more idiotic.

Ahrirang promptly socked him in the stomach. "Get the hell away from me, you nasssty little ponccce!" Ron fell over like a tonne of bricks.

"Arrgh…can't…breathe….OW." He lay on the ground, eyes bulging.

"Okay, STOP!" Harry yelled. Everyone froze in their positions. (Except for Ginny, who fell over because she had tripped over SOMEONE!)

Harry continued in a quieter tone. "Now that you guys aren't acting like a bunch of howler monkeys or lovesick idiots (RON), does anyone know how to get out of this place?" He stared at Ahrirang pointedly.

"Oh, sure! Come on everyone, follow me!" She turned and walked off to Slytherin's mouth, which was (obviously) still open.

"Wait a minute, I forgot Lockheart!" Ron said as everyone turned and looked at him. "C'mon, Professor, this way!" He dragged the obliviated man over to them. "Oh, what are you? You certainly are beautiful." Lockheart said dozily.

"She's, um…she's a type of very rare elf." Harry stammered as Ahrirang glared Lockheart down. She shot him a look that said, 'Am NOT.'

"Sssince we are all here, it'sss time to go. NOW, everyone FOLLOW ME." So they all followed Ahrirang meekly over to Slytherin's mouth.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

A/N: To R.A.B and ANONYMOUSE: Thank you for the correction on Lockhart's name. I honestly had no idea that it was spelled that way, so thank you for the update. I have spellcheck (otherwise my spelling would be awful, DUH) but Lockharts' name is not in the dictionary. Therefore, I spelled it wrong. This is a CRACK fic (from the way they're all acting I would have thought that obvious.)

Also, flames will be used to roast marshmallows.

Harry, Ron, Ginny, Ahrirang and Lockhart climbed out from behind a tapestry on the eighth floor. They (except for Ahrirang) were covered in muck. "You just HAD to lead us through the sewage pipe, didn't you," Ron grouched.

"Well, how wasss I to know that a toilet pipe had broken and flooded the area?" Ahrirang said. "I haven't gone there in, what…18 yearsss?"

"How old are you?" Harry choked, "You don't look any older than Ginny! BTW, can we just call you, 'Ah'?"

"Yeah, ok. I'm 43, actually. I age sssslower than wizardsss, and you folksss are notoriousssly long-lived. It's my basssilisk genesss I think." They walked down the stairs towards Dumbledores' office, Ron dragging Lockhart by the feet. "Hey Harry, a bit of HELP here! This guy is heavy!" As Harry turned to pick him up, the staircase they were about to step onto switched. Ron shrieked and let go of Lockhart. Seeing as he did not want to fall, Harry let go too. Lockhart fell off the platform. A girlish scream came from below. "Ah, cool!" Ginny said, "Look! He landed on Malfoy!"

Harry and Ron cautiously leaned over the edge. Sure enough, there was a _very_ squashed looking Malfoy underneath Lockhart. "Get me out of here!" he roared, eyes bulging furiously. As they raced down the stairs, Snape came stalking up. He stared at Malfoy and looked up at them. "Potter! Weasley and Weasley! How dare you drop a teacher on Mr. Malfoy!" He screamed in sheer fury.

"Want me to bite him for you?" Ah said, stepping forward. Snape stared for so long that Harry thought his eyeballs might fall out. Just as he was about place bets with Ginny on how long he would last before breathing, Snape blinked and said, "Dumbledores' office. Now."

"OK, prof. Snape! We were going there anyways." Ginny said. And so, they picked up Lockhart again and walked towards Dumbledores' office.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

As they entered Dumbledores' office, they looked around. He wasn't there, and neither was Fawkes. Ron and Harry dumped Lockhart on the ground. They suddenly heard singing on the balcony. It was awful, and sounded like a deranged tone-deaf cat was singing into an amplifier. "And the rockets' RED GLARE….dung-bombs stinking the air…gave proooof through the night…that our wards were still there. Oh sa-" Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Ah came screaming onto the balcony, forcefully grabbed Dumbledore, and threw him off the turret.

"That was than the time Mum sonorused Scabbers!" Ron gasped. He was pale under the freckles. The door to the office slammed open. "Proffeseur! There's a basilisk in the school!" Hermione cried. She stopped. "Who are you?" she said.

"I am Ah the great!" Ah replied.

"Alright then." Hermione wandered over to the balcony and looked off it. She screamed. "What happened to Dumbledore?" She yelled.

"We threw him off the turret because of his awful singing abilities." Ginny said. "It was unbearable."

"I wanted to do that!" Hermione sobbed. "I was coming up here to kill him because of all the awful teaching in this school and the fact that there were dangerous events two years in a row!" She started to rant about why she wanted kill Dumbledore. Harry, Ron, and Ginny, being used to it, waited it out. Ah calmly walked up to her and said, "So, what are you going to do now? I know a nice school that you could take over to make sure that these things don't happen again. It's got secret rooms, secret passages, a super-dangerous forest, and it even comes with its own grounds' keeper!"

"Good idea!" Hermione said. "Lets' take over Hogwarts!"


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Too bad, really.

Harry, Hermione, Ginny, and Ah walked down into the great hall, Hermione in the lead. She walked over to Proffeseur McGonagall and said, "May we please take over the school so that we can run it better?"

Harry froze. _That was so dumb. _He thought. Surprisingly though, McGonagall said, "Of course! Mr. Potter can be headmaster, even though he is only a second year!" She stood up, conjured a bullhorn, and roared, "ATTENTION STUDENTS! HARRY POTTER WILL BE THE NEW HEADMASTER!" Once ears had stopped ringing, there was a lot of cheering. The Weasley twins threw crates of fireworks into the air, which promptly exploded.

Harry turned to Hermione. "But I don't want to headmaster!"

"Too bad, so sad, now you've got the shivers, RAD!" Hermione said.

"Anywayss, think of all the thingss you can change!" Ah put in. "You can build a public sswimming pool that connectss to the lake by an underwater passsage, you can put giant trampoliness in the great hall, you can have lessonss in the Forbidden Forest and un-forbid it, build a giant sslide off the asstronomy tower into the lake, and need I go on? Thiss will be sso awesome!"

"Good idea!" Harry said. "I will do all of that and more! Together, we will run the best school in the wizarding world!"

As he said that, everyone cheered even louder.


End file.
